so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Randomize
