i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
