smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
