i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
