She's JV to your varsity
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
