weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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