i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
