Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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