highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
