and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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