I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
