k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this just has baby written all over it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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