rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
