mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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