I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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