Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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