Just fell off a train. Bad.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
