ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
