Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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