he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
