wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
