Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
