I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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