i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
