I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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