This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
