lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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