i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sarcasm needs its own font
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
