can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
