Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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