You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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