these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
