There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
