I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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