I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
