nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
