i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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