Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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