theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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