Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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