I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am midnight drunk by noon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
