You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
