you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
