and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
