I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
