if i can run in heels then i can drive
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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