no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
