the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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