Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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