I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
