I just threw up on my dentist
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
