you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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