I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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