When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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