PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
