she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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