I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
