K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cannot find my penis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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