ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
