party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
