my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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