I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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