how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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