We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
