i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
