So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
