Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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