you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
