I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
