i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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